At this point I’m basically just cycling across Asia

I am fully aware that my bicycle tours are just getting ridiculous. After doing a night tour in Bangkok and a half-day tour in Chiang Mai, I figured I would be prepared enough for the big mama of bike tours: a full day, 37 km ride around Vientiane, Laos.  As a side note, 2 out of 3 times on these tours my guide was from Holland. At first I was surprised by the coincidence but considering the Dutch are literally born cycling out of the womb, I guess it’s not so weird.
Obviously that assumption that doing an eight hour tour would be fine was totally false, because I’m Kristen after all, but I did learn some good tidbits about Laos (and myself) throughout this day – even if by the end I was ready to just call a cab.
More templey-goodness and the lives of monks


In Southeast Asia, you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a temple or a monk (or is it throw a dead cat? Either way, if you have a dead cat, a temple is nearby). It’s no surprise that I have been to a fair few temples and seen a lotta Buddhas on my bike tours. I also learned that monks only eat twice a day (once early in the morning and once around lunchtime)… FOREVER. Or at least as long as they are monks. That just wouldn’t fit in with my grazer stomach and tendency to pack yum-yums wherever I go. As an example, at this moment I have a package of butter biscuits, a box of crackers, two apples, a muffin, a pack of Thai chocolate wafers and half a bag of M&Ms. All in my bag. At this moment in time.
Of course, there are many reasons why I couldn’t be a Buddhist nun, the least of which being that the sole purpose of the nuns is to serve the monks. Girl’s gotta do her own thang, you know.
Also, there is such a thing as a Buddhist pope. I don’t know if the guide meant the head monk in Laos or what, but this is where he lives.
Thai/Laotian Pranks 


Thailand and Laos are basically full of a bunch of pranksters. This statue is of a famous Lao king or prince or something (my services are available as a tour guide, you guys), on the Mekong River. In Vientiane, the Mekong separates Laos from Thailand – and it’s surprisingly narrow at that point. So this statue is not facing the city, but has its back to the city and is facing Thailand. While I thought at first his outstretched hand meant he just wanted some skin, our guide told us that this is basically like giving the big “F.U.” and the finger to Thailand. In retaliation, a little while ago some Thais snuck up the statue and tried to saw the hand off. This is basically like letting chickens loose on the hallway during senior week. (CHICKENS! IN THE HALLWAY!!!). Or like William and Mary putting a statue of TJ facing away from UVa. I love it.
The eternal question – what to do with all this cement?!
In the 1950s, the U.S. was all over Laos like sticky on rice (sorry) but then decided to pull out, halting a lot of airport construction plans. They left behind a whole mess of concrete meant for an airport. The Laotians took it and decided to build a monument fashioned after the Arc de Triomphe. This baby is called the “Vertical Runway” and, amusingly, a “monster in concrete” – literally on the sign on the side of the monument. Apparently they copied the entry out of the English Lonely Planet book without translating it first. It’s been up there for years.
All the bumpy dirt roads… not great for the bum.
In contrast to Bangkok and Chiang Mai, we rode almost exclusively on dirt roads – meaning bumps, rocks, and holes. All that bumpiness meant a very sore bum the next day. But happy, tired muscles.

DON’T YOU WORRY – more bike tours to come!

My So-Called Travel Plans, or, I’m going to China!

Before I left, I had two faces that I would put on while discussing my travel plans. One would have me discussing my precise itinerary, while the other would feature a much more relaxed Kristen saying “Ohhh who knows? We’ll see what happens!” (That’s kind of the persona I put on when I was talking about my plans in this post.)

In both instances, and even when I left, I told people that I had my lodgings and plans set for the first few days, but after that I was going to see what would happen. Look how casual I can be!

Well, within just a few days traveling solo, I quickly realized that all of my assumptions were incorrect.

I basically upended my travels plans within the first 48 hours. I couldn’t spend a week in muggy, chaotic Bangkok, and escaped down to the coast of Thailand faster than I thought. I can’t stand the thought of having to move around more than is necessary, lugging my bag from place to place, so island hopping is out too. Instead, I parked myself for two weeks in Koh Lanta. And then – surprise! – I did get up to northern Thailand, specifically Chiang Mai.

The biggest surprise to me? I decided to go to China.

China had been part of my original itinerary, but then cut out when I decided to stick to SEA. Literally two days before leaving when I was in the throes of WHAT AM I DOING THIS IS CRAZY I AM GOING TO FAIL (which was really fun for everyone involved, I think), I decided that if it all got to be too much I would use going to Beijing as a crutch. (I have family living there.)

Within a few days of arrival, I decided to go ahead and book China. At that point, I was still using it as a crutch, the quintessential, “Okay, only two more weeks of traveling solo before I’m in the bosom of family,” and so on.

Traveling solo is funny; specifically, the wildly vacillating emotions I go through on a daily – nay, hourly – basis is almost comical. One hour I receive bad news and want nothing more than a hug from someone who loves me; the next, I’m wandering down the street, musing about how I could have totally done solo travel for another week.

I’m almost glad for that realization, and the realization that I’ve already been in Thailand for a month alone without even really noticing. While I could have easily done another week, two weeks, or probably even more without breaking a sweat, I’m glad that I will soon be with family (as is my mother). I can explore an entirely new place and receive a bit of comfort at the same time. I don’t have to be on all the freakin’ time.

Babies pooping on the street, terrible air pollution, and suspicious food – I’m coming for you! 

Little Laos

Before I decided to come to Laos, I knew literally nothing about it, except where it was roughly located. As I did my research, I learned a little bit more: former French colony (the “backwaters of Indochina,” as it were); current communist nation; one of the poorest countries in the world.

Most importantly, and most tragically, Laos is the most heavily bombed country per capita in the world in history. 

For nine years, bombs were dropped every eight minutes, 24/7.

The country that did the bombing? The United States, during the Vietnam War.

Now, I don’t know about you, but in most of my history classes we extensively covered up through WWII, then rushed through the major events of the latter half of the twentieth century before taking the state exam. (I still don’t really know what happened in the 1980s and 1990s. Complete blank.). As I got my degree, I was lucky enough to take a bunch of different history classes, but most were either of a wide breadth – like International History of the Cold War – or way back in history, like the Roman Empire (guilty of majoring in IA and minoring in Classics). So while I learned about the Vietnam War quite often, it was never in depth enough to know about the role Laos played – and the effects the country still faces today.

VERY simply put, in what was called “the Secret War,” U.S. troops heavily bombed Laos during the Vietnam War in order to try to damage the Ho Chi Minh Trail. (This is a massive simplification – you and I both know that events have far more causes and effects, for both sides, than can be boiled down to a few words).

What is easy to describe, but not easy to swallow, is the impact that the bombings continue to have on the nation. See, a lot of bombs didn’t go off when they hit the ground. A quarter of villages in Laos are still contaminated with UXOs; post-war, 20,000 people have been killed or injured by bombs, 40% of them children.

A number of international groups and a government national group are tasked with clearing the lands and diffusing the bombs, which I am sure you can appreciate takes a lot of time. In the meantime, despite the education people receive on the UXOs, people are killed and injured far too often. Some find a bomb and try to sell the scrap metal for pennies to feed their family for three months. Some are simply farming and hit a bomb by accident. Some people have even been killed when they have been cooking over a fire in their house, not realizing a bomb – activated by heat – is buried below.

I learned all of this when I paid a visit to the COPE Center in Vientiane, an educational and rehabilitation center for amputees. What surprised me is the lack of blaming that I saw in the exhibits – the U.S. was referenced maybe only once or twice, and never in a negative way, simply factual. (This is in contrast to the Lao National Museum, which only referred to the U.S. as the “U.S. Imperialists.” It’s cool, guys.

I know this isn’t chipper or shiny, but it’s the truth about Laos. Despite the horrors that the country faced, there’s still hope, especially with the help of centers like COPE.

Sculpture made out of old bomb metal…

And yes, the U.S. has done terrible things to other countries. But I’ve never seen the point of feeling ashamed about what my country did in its past. What is important is the positive impact that I can have in the future. More than ever, I’m loving my role in life as an educator. There’s so much I don’t know about the horrors of human history, but by educating myself and then educating others… maybe, just maybe, I can have an impact. When you travel, I encourage you to peek under the tourist veneer and learn more about the heartbeat of the country – its scars and its spirit.

Kristen’s Exercise Series: Colors of Chiang Mai

After doing the delightful night tour of Bangkok by bicycle in my first few days in the country, I decided to give it a go in its neighbor to the north, Chiang Mai. This time around, I booked a half day trip cycling around the northern Thai countryside in the early morning (well, early for someone who has been unemployed for the last three months, at least…). The conclusion? I’m basically Lance Armstrong, minus the scandal. And some other bits.

So what made this tour so special?

TEMPLES! 

In case you couldn’t guess it, Thailand is full of a lot of temples. I’ve found that these are best viewed in moments of quiet – like what you get when you arrive at one far away from the city center at 9 in the morning.

FOOD! 

The guide totally knew his audience and took us to a number of places for noms, including a market, a bakery, and a candy factory. Besides getting to see the teeniest little puppy on the planet in the bakery, I also got to discover just why diabetes is such a health risk in Thailand (every wonder why pad thai is so delicious? BECAUSE OF THE 15 TABLESPOONS OF SUGAR, THAT’S WHY!).

Not that I’m complaining. After all, eating a sugary butter roll during a bike ride is basically like eating celery – it’s negative calories.

THE LESSER-SEEN THAILAND! 

In addition to the typical sites, we also got to explore some of the bits of Thailand I would have never seen otherwise: rice paddies, cauliflower fields, banana tree plantations.

And my favorite bit, going to a Thai school! Normally I dislike going to places that feel like they are catering to tourists, or where we may be disrupting normal life. But the tour (of a very small group) was timed perfectly to when the kiddos were at recess, and the guide has been coming to this school for the past four years – he’s basically a member of the family. So many little girls came up to him begging to the thrown into the air (which was particularly funny when the older girls, who have known him for years, would come up and demand the same!). The little girls crowded around us while the boys pretended to be too cool for school. I quickly became the “flower lady,” as dozens of giggling girls scampered up to give me a flower and a shy smile – soon my hands were literally overflowing! Of course, going to this school had me itching with dozens of questions about the public/private/religious school divide in Thailand, the system of education, and the tracks from primary to secondary to tertiary education – but the international education nerd in me will just have to look that up 🙂

This tour is also when I had my first This is your life, Kristen moment. Strangely enough, it happened when I was watching the guide throw food to some catfish in a pond (CATFISH!) and laughing. I looked at my clock and realized it was 9am on a Wednesday, and the only thing I was doing – the only thing I had to do, at that moment, was enjoy the simple pleasure of seeing scarily large creepy fish jumping up for food.

After that, we rode down small paths cutting through the fields and past small, simple houses with the sun shining down. Every time we passed someone, they shouted, “Sawatdee!”, smiling and waving vigorously. Everywhere I looked was an explosion of color, as tropical flowers bloomed proudly along the side of the road, and banana trees gracefully lined the path.

This is your life, Kristen.

The Thai Sneak Attack… Updo.

You guys, something weird happened to me in Chiang Mai.

After settling in for a few days, I decided to do a treat-yo’self day (you know… to relax from my busy life of being unemployed) and spring for a spa package. I was promised pick-up and drop-off at my lodging, a body scrub, massage, and facial, all for about 1/4 of what I would pay in the U.S. AWESOME!

On the day, everything seemed to proceed normally – although I did feel a bit overwhelmed by just how accommodating everyone was. It’s Thai culture to give a bow after serving your customer – even for something like at the supermarket – so pump that up to the max at a spa and there I am sitting in my throne, having my feet carefully placed into a flowery water bowl by a kneeling Thai woman.

I blissed out for a couple of hours as my skin became silky-smooth and my limbs turned to rubber. As we wrapped up with my facial, I figured the experience was just about over. NOT SO FAST.

First, the masseuse started to gently untangle my hair. Okay, pretty normal – it was just up in a hairnet for my body scrub (DON’T WORRY I HAVE A PICTURE) and a headband for the facial, so it’s a little tangled.

But soon the untangling grew into a sensation that was very familiar… what…? Why, yes, she IS braiding my hair across the crown of my head. Well, okay, go on then.

I had no idea why it was happening but figured I would go with it. After finishing, she wrapped the blanket around me and gestured for me to sit up… so she could sit behind me on the table in a sort of Thai slumber party and finish the hairdo, of course!

Cue her putting my hair up into an elaborate updo… including flowers tucked into the top, of course.

Then, just when I thought I was leaving… they present me with the most delicious thing to come out of Thailand, mango with sticky rice. And of course my masseuse gently washed my hands with a hot towel, lest I have to do anything myself. Well, I did have to feed myself.

I decided that yes, this was a little weird, but who am I to complain over having an impromptu hair styling session? Plus it meant I was the prettiest girl at yoga that evening!

My Time with the Elephants

After languishing for two weeks on a beautiful beach in Koh Lanta, I knew I wanted to take advantage of the myriad of activities available in and around Chiang Mai. Top of the list? The Elephant Nature Park.

This beautiful park, 60 km outside of Chiang Mai, is a sanctuary for elephants (more on that later). Set in a valley surrounded by mountains and with a river flowing at the foot of the park, it’s easy to see how it got the name of “Elephant Heaven.”

So how did I spend my time with the largest mammals on EARTH?! (To be fair, the Asian elephant is only the second largest land animal, after the African elephant. I was going to make a really off-color joke about that but in deference to my mother, I shan’t. Just know it’s there.)

After being picked up at my hotel and loaded into a van, we took the 1.5 hour bumpy drive out to the conservatory. Our guide briefly explained what we would do and then popped in a video that Animal Planet made on elephants in Thailand, including a highlight of the ENP, to prep us. My favorite part of the video is that the entire time they kept teasing about the “conservatory music video” they would be showing at the end, which was basically just shots of Thailand and elephants rolling through music and credits.

After arriving at the park, we jumped right into feeding time! This basically involved hesitantly putting the food in the elephant’s trunk and then delighting as they stuffed it into their mouths, or rejected it (elephants are quite human-like in that some just don’t have a taste for watermelons or bananas, for example). Also… the inside of an elephant’s trunk feels kind of weird, you guys.

 After that, we did a tour of the sanctuary – including the medical area where we all got to feel an elephant’s tooth, which I think should be added to Clue as a possible murder weapon. It was Colonel Mustard, in the library, with the ELEPHANT’S TOOTH!

One of the highlights? A very hairy baby elephant had been born four months ago! A few fun facts:

1) This may not be true for all elephants, but at the park a lot of the babies will have both their elephant mom and an elephant nanny who basically decides to be an auntie to the baby, and they all hang out together and protect the baby. I can’t wait for Hollywood to make the movie Elephant Nanny, personally.

2) It’s pretty impossible for us to know if elephants are pregnant – they can assume if the elephant is getting fatter and her breasts are, you know, milky, but they don’t really know – and didn’t know in this case – until the kid pops out. I’ve heard this one before.

After tucking in to a delicious vegetarian Thai buffet, we came to the main event: bathing the elephants. Essentially this involved standing in the river and throwing buckets of water over them.

 At one point, someone in our group mused, “Do you ever think the elephants are like, ‘…Why are these humans doing something to me I can do myself?'” But as they sat there munching on their watermelons while getting bathed, I thought, you know, I wouldn’t mind that lifestyle.

So why does this sanctuary exist? Despite the veneration elephants receive in Thai culture, and the important role they have played in Thai history – both warfare and work – they have an exceptionally tough life. The elephant population in Thailand has dropped 95% over the past century. However, only wild elephants are counted as endangered; domesticated elephants are considered livestock and have little to no rights, and there are very few legal punishments for misuse or abuse.

As logging was made illegal in the late 1980s, elephants who previously had been used for work have been shifted to tourism – trekking, rides, and street begging. However, the methods used to break the elephants of their connections to their mothers and make them submissive is absolutely horrifying. I won’t preach at you, but I encourage you to do your own research into the technique known as elephant crushing.

Anyway, the vast majority of elephants who have been rescued by ENP had pretty tough lives before – broken backs from giving rides (or from men elephants getting too rough with the females…), broken legs from logging or chains, blindness from their cruel owners shooting rocks into their eyes to try to get them to work faster, or from the lights at elephant shows. You can see the previously broken back of one of our elephants below – once they are broken, they can’t be reformed back into proper shape.

So to round out this kind-of-depressing post… I’m so glad I did this. It was by far the most expensive thing I’ve done on this trip, but knowing what the money goes towards – and seeing how happy these elephants are – made it worth it. Once these elephants get to the sanctuary, they get an awesome life of just romping around, forming herds, eating, and getting love.

 THE END.

Seeking Enrichment

When you’re on an island, there’s not a lot to do besides reflect. I realized today that while before I left I was just so nervous (I cringe to think about the people who had to deal with my neurosis with that – thank you, thank you, thank you!), I barely feel that at all anymore. I’ve had my very solitary days, and I’ve survived. I’ve gotten from Point A to Point B and beyond. Heck, I’ve torn up my leg, and I still stand. Isn’t it silly to look back at the so-called scary things?

What remains now are thoughts and reflections on, well, basically everything. The difference between being free and being untethered – while they are fairly synonymous in my mind, if I feel free or if I feel untethered (or unconnected) depends on my state of mind at the time. The concept of privilege (until I was hand-flushing my toilet, I never realized how much water I use a day – and I’m lucky to have immediate access to it). The concept of “assistance.” (This is one that actually got me in to international education – should assistance/charity/whatever you may want to call it come from above, with sweeping governmental change, or from grassroots efforts? From monetary aid or education? I’m sure you can guess where I stand on this one…). And more personal things about me – where I am, where I’ve been, where I am going, and where I stand in relation to others in my life.

The most important thing I’ve reflected on is how I want to seek out those who enrich my life. People who listen to my worries and my insecurities and don’t judge me. People who challenge me to do something that makes me uncomfortable.

My friend Laura Maas, who by this point you probably think is my only friend because I talk about her so much on this blog, wrote a beautiful blog post about me. A few days ago, I sent her a fairly lengthy catch-up email; she almost immediately responded (at about 2 in the morning, her time), with thoughtful responses, juicy information, and even some readings on the nature of education that she thought I would enjoy. How amazing are those things? I don’t even know what to say (besides responding to her with a very long and meandering email postulating on what an ‘educator’ is).

Basically, I have no idea what is happening next or where I stand in the world. All I know is that I stand with those people who support me, challenge me, and enrich me.